The MOMs- UPDATED

Sorry about being bad about keeping the blog updated during the Mom's visit to Beijing. I have kept everyone so busy that we haven't had much time to sleep let alone get online.

Anyways, here are some of the pictures from their trip. Stories to come...

They leave tomorrow (Friday) and I can't believe it went so fast. Hope I can hold back the tears at the airport....







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My Mom and Aunt Mary arrive in Beijing Friday afternoon!!! I am SO excited. I haven't seen any family in 7 months (which is a record I believe).

If you have ever met these two, then I am sure you know how crazy they are... constantly laughing and always having a good time. You probably also know that they say and do things that don't always make a lot of sense. In fact, sometimes I wonder if I really am related.

This trip will prove to be the source of many entertaining stories- of this, I am sure. My plan is to update this page with all the craziness, so check back if you just can't get enough...

In fact, it's already started.

1. While on a web chat with my mom and aunt the day before their flight, I suggested they write down my cell phone number in case we can't find each other at the airport. When I finish telling them what it is- my Mom says, "Gretchen, we don't need all those numbers."

WTF Mom?! Do you think I am just giving you a few extra for shits and giggles? Yes, you need all the numbers if you want to actually call me. This is a country of 1.3 billion people. It is not Monroe, WI where 7 numbers gets you in touch with who you want. For the love.

2. They are both very worried about using squattie potties. The concern is that once they bend down, they won't be able to get back up. I can just see it now- I will have to cram myself into a stall with them to help them up while their pants hang precariously around their ankles.

They also are worried about "missing the target" and hitting their shoes or pants instead. To this, my friend Michael made a suggestion: try peeing in a funnel. Hmmm, thinking about it- it might actually work. I couldn't find one here in the WuMart, so they are bringing one with.

My aunt also had another idea. On the same web call she says this, "Oooh, I just washed out a used mayonnaise jar. I will bring that along to carry in my purse so we can pee in that." I told her NOT to do this, we will see if she listens.

I can't believe I will be walking around Beijing with 2 women carrying a funnel and a mayo jar for potty breaks. Bust out the alcohol people- this is going to be a long 2 weeks.

Let me introduce you...

There is no way I could get through this experience without friends, but isn't that true about everything in life?

I have been incredibly fortunate to have met some truly wonderful, talented, fun-loving people over here. So... North American friends, let me introduce you to my Beijing bunch.

The pirate in this picture is Kerry. She normally doesn't dress this way and I normally don't carry around a plastic knife. That's us on Halloween.

Kerry was the first expat (other than my coworkers) I met in Beijing. We both happened to sign up for the same tour to a country village and winery. We were also both late to catch the bus. That's the moment Kerry said she knew we would be friends. Later that same day, we toasted to our good luck of being in the right place at the right time. We haven't stopped toasting or talking since then.

Kerry has been here to listen to me bitch about all the things that don't make sense about China. She has seen me through the loss of a friend (no death-just cut ties), the second-stage feelings about living abroad and home sickness.She also stayed my friend after I spilled wine on her white couch, endlessly beat a drum to music on St. Patty's day and accidentally forgot I didn't have money until after I ordered food at a restaurant. She also lets me take pictures of her buying hats in a bathroom! HA

As for her job here- Kerry is an oil and gas engineer for Halliburton. Super smart lady who flies all over China working on projects. Oh yeah- she is also from Scotland and has a killer accident which I can't help imitating whenever I am around her. Right, chum?

Then we come to "the gang". I met this wily bunch on an overnight train tour to northern China. Before the train even left Beijing, they were cracking open beer. Of course I would fit right in.

The little lady on the horse is Anais. No, she would not be thrilled to have this picture shown, but she wouldn't let me take shots of her hiking- so this is what she gets.

Don't let the little French facade fool you, Anais is one tough cookie. She is raising three kids here in Beijing as a single mom. We got to know each other when she dragged me on hiking tour of active volcanoes (see previous blog posts).

Anais has one of the coolest upbringings I've ever heard. She was brought up in South Africa with her 3 sisters while her dad did research there. Every summer was spent in England. Eventually, her family moved back to a small town outside Paris, which she now calls home.

Anais, who was one of the world's first computer language interpretation software engineers, has also lived in Texas- which she says she loved. How cool would she be to have as a neighbor?!

This guy here is named Jeremy. He's who I call when I get stuck in a cab and can't speak Chinese to the driver. He has been living in Beijing for three years and actively studying the language while working for Nokia doing product development.

Funny, funny guy who reminds me a lot of Scott Daigger, except Jeremy is more of a smart ass who is always looking for a good debate. You've been warned. Oh yeah, he also likes to break out embarrassing Gretchen stories whenever I have visitors. Another reason to avoid him... :)

Just ignore the drunk girl in this pic, I will introduce you to here in a bit. The guy in the flaming red wig is the subject of this paragraph. Michael is really the reason the whole group got together. He actively seeks out and meets new people. Great networker and great guy.

He also loves debates. His favorite topic is women. This guy is who you go to if you have a dating question or a perverted joke.

Mikey, as I call him, is from the Midwest, most recently Chicago. He came to Beijing to work as an architect. He likes it here so much, he convinced his brother Jim to move here as well.

Jim - is the one on the left. He's an animator for a video game company but really should be a stand-up comedian. He comes up with these one liners that have me rolling with laughter. Always up for a good time and always have a good time with him.

He would kill me if he read this, but Jim really is gentle soul and such a sweet person.

Ian and Leslie. You can't really talk about them individually because they come as a pair, or at least that's how I met them, but I will try.

Leslie is a feisty little Ecuadorian who came to Beijing to learn Chinese (she is already fluent in English). We found out that she used to live in Columbus, GA as her dad was in the Ecuadorian military. What a coincidence! We weren't there at the same time, however. She moved in with Ian just three days after they met. Her lease was up and they never really talked about it until a few months later. Hilarious. Two years later- they are still going strong.

Ian is from a bit of everywhere- France, USA, Bali, etc. He is a manager at a video game company here. He also runs a professional networking business among other things. If you've lived in Beijing, chances are- you've met him.

They are both such warm and inviting people but watch out for their parties- they are notorious.

Anyways- this is the gang I went to Bali with. We also meet up every Sunday for brunch. They are my family here and I love them.

My other "family" is my work family. John is the first person to take me out for beer here. For that, I will forever be grateful. He's helped me adjust to life as an employee for a state-owned company and taught me the ins and outs of Xinhua.

John, who is from New Zealand, is in China for the 3rd time. He met his wife here and has done more to improve journalism in this country than anyone I have ever encountered.

He might look like a big teddy bear, but all my Chinese colleagues are terrified of him as he consistently lays the smack down on poor stories. I love it.

Peter looks as fun as he is. The sombrero was worn on New Year's eve- which we rang in at a Mexican restaurant. Odd, I know.

He has a true appreciation for the Chinese culture and language which he studies in his free time.

Peter worked as a journalist in Britain and has these wonderful sayings for everyday things, which I constantly need translation for. Needless to say, I have learned plenty of polite sounding insults from him. I also gained an appreciation for seeing Beijing on a bike.

Most of you know Devon. He came to visit me in March. At that time, I introduced him to my friends here. I included the pic, however, because of the person below on the right- Jenny.

She is part Texan, part hippie and part nerd all rolled in to one. Jenny arrived at work just three months after me and we are close in age which is super cool.

I helped her get settled here, she helps keep me company. Not only is she an insightful listener, she is very easy-going and fun to be around. We like each other so much that our new apartments are in the same complex. Now we can walk 2 blocks and see a friendly face. It also makes it easier to walk home after a night of debauchery- we we have a little too often.

She is only planning on staying here for a year because she misses her boyfriend back home. It makes me sad because she is truly one of my best friends here. Plus, she has boobs as big as mine, so we can commiserate about the fact that we can't buy bras here to save our lives!

I didn't meet Donna through a tour or at work. A journalist in the states said he knew a woman who was working over here and then sent me her email. I randomly contacted her and am really glad I did.

Donna worked for CNN and ABC National radio in the States. She has a couple Murrows under her belt. Not only can we talk shop together, but she is really cool. Donna plays drums for a band called, Girls Are Waiting To Meet You. She came up with the name based on email spam.

She gave up radio reporting to come to Beijing and teach PR/Western Culture to Chinese college students. I would rank her classes right up there with Toby Schafer's creative instruction ideas.

Donna has had her students reenact Kurt Cobain's death and the Lorena Bobbit incident. Basically, she makes up this stuff as she goes along. Man, I would kill to have her as a teacher. I am pretty sure her students agree.

So there you have it- those are the people I choose to hang with in China. One day it's my hope you can all meet each other- drinks on me.

Here's what else Bali has to offer...

I had never seen a rice paddie until we drove north of Ubud. These were terraces carved out of mountain slopes. Amazing what people can do.



As beautiful as they look, I would not want to work in them. As you can see, this man is up to his knees in mud. Can you imagine doing this with the hot sun, bent over all day? Not me, although if I ever get the chance, I would try a day in his shoes... uh, I mean bare feet.


To make sure they get enough rain for irrigation and a good crop, farmers make daily offerings to the Gods. Near every paddy is a mini-temple like this one below.



Offerings aren't just made by farmers. Balinese treat the many unseen inhabitants of Bali - gods, ancestors and demons - as honoured guests through the daily presentation of offerings (banten) of every imaginable shape, color and substance. These are first and foremost gifts - expressing gratitude to benevolent spirits, and placating mischievous demons to prevent them from disturbing the harmony of life.

Simple offerings are presented every day, while more elaborate ones are specially produced for specific rituals.


After the daily food is prepared, for example, tiny packets are presented to the resident gods of the household before the family eats. Palm leaf trays, like the one this woman is making, contain flowers, food and sometimes coins and cloth.

It's up to the women to make these offerings, which cannot be re-used. Since more and more women are now in the workplace, they have to buy their organic offerings from ready-made.

While walking around Bali, we had to be careful not to step on them as they are all over the sidewalks, roads and near statues.



We also had to watch out for giant bats. Yup- this buddy was 2 feet long. He was placed outside a shop to attracted visitors. Their ploy worked. You could even touch it (which I did) but he was a bit cranky and didn't like being woken up- understandably.

I am not sure what kept him from flying away, although I believe he was purposely injured. There was also a giant boa constrictor. I could have gotten my picture taken with it and done a dramatic reenactment of Britney Spears at the MTV movie awards, but after seeing the poor bat, I decided not to take part.


Besides loads of fresh fruit, the island also served up these sandwiches. It reminded me of camping with the Bethke's. For the life of me, I can't remember what we called these things- pudgy or budgies? Someone help me here.

I also insisted on having my own coconut to drink. Guys with hatchets were all over the place (not in a scary way) ready to serve my wishes.

As cool as drinking coconut water sounds and looks, I would advise against it. I bloated up like a threatened puffer fish. Seriously, I felt like Santa on a bad day. Not an allergic reaction just not good for the tummy.

Of course I would not be deterred in my mission to try local cuisine. We hit up Ibu Oka’s restaurant for Babi Guling- or suckling roast pig.

Sweaty people sit on the floor at long tables just to get a chance to try the rice which is piled high with tender slices of piggy, a piece of blood sausage, some other unidentifiable internal fried bits and pieces. It is all topped off with a piece of kulit (crispy skin).

I have to say it was not all it's built up to be. Apparently others don't agree with me. The owner says he goes through 4 pigs a day in just 4 hours. The cost? About $1.50 US per plate.

Along with everything else we visited, there was a quick stop to Tanalot to take in a sunset that never was. The site could have been beautiful but it was swarming with vendors and tourists. Yes, I know, I was one of those annoying tourists.

Even with all the other foreigners there, my friend Mike was stopped by a group of school children who wanted a picture with him. Some people think it is cool to have a shot with a foreigner. I get that here in China as well. Random people will walk up to me and ask to take a picture with me- odd.

Mike likes to think he looks like George Clooney, which is why he gets stopped a lot. HA

I hear Bali is a lot like Thailand now. It has a niche of sexually perverted names for restaurants, food and also some artfully crafted souvenirs. I don't know what the painter was thinking with this sign, but I thought it was hilarious and made all my male friends stand under it.

You don't often see a business with a boner sign out front.

Overall, I had a good time in Bali. Would I recommend it to others. No. I went for the legendary beaches and was heartbroken to see them full of trash.

Literally, there was an entire line of garbage where the ocean lipped the sand. People at our resort went out to pick it up twice a day, but even that wasn't enough. There were some beaches that seemed clean, but as soon as we went in the ocean, our feet were tickled with trash bags not seaweed.

The little island is making promises it can no longer deliver. Until it cleans up its act, I would stay away.