You guessed it...

more randoms:

1. I am yet to see a Chinese person use a Kleenex to blow their nose. I have talked about how people do snot rockets while they walk along the sidewalks, but yesterday I came across a woman blowing her nose into her hands. She was in the bathroom with the water running. She would blow, blow, blow and then put her hands under the water. Note to self: touch nothing.

2. Chinese hold things differently than Americans. Chopsticks aren't maneuvered with the pointer finger. Ping pong paddles are held underhand.

3. It is rare to see ice in drinks. From what I have been told, Traditional Chinese Medicine or TCM, believes that because the body is warm, we should put warm things in it. We get sick if we try to cool our insides down- hence the mass consumption of tea.

When I try to go out to eat with my Chinese friends and order fruit juice or water with ice, I am often told, "No, no. That is no good for you. You need warm. Here- have some tea." And so I concede. It is just easier that way.

There are some restaurants that will give you a glass of ice but they are mostly Western. Just something to keep in mind when you come visit me!!

4. There are also foods which are considered "warm" or "cold" foods. I found this out while eating dinner with a colleague. I offered him some of my vegetable but he said it was not good for males. When I asked him why, he said men are like the sun- women, the moon.

Because the sun is hot men should eat foods with "warm" elements to increase their masculinity. Women should eat "cool" foods to increase femininity. Me? I just like to eat it all, so what does that make me?

5. Some races have genes which impact their ability to consume alcohol. Several of my Chinese friends fall in to this category, and yes, it is scientifically proven.

According to the BBC, as many as 50% of Chinese lack the gene to metabolize beer and hard liquor. This means, after consuming just one drink, they are completely drunk. It is very weird to witness. They become really flushed, dizzy and even nauseous.

That means when they see me drink, they are amazed. I always get asked, how many of those can you have? WOW! is always the answer. At least I am admired for something! Mom would be so proud.

6. Weight issues. They are universal. Chinese women, yes- tiny, tiny Chinese women worry about their weight just like the rest of us. Stores sell weight loss pills and potions. I often see women grabbing non-existent love handles or poking their bellies. WTF?! These women are the most petite, skinny little things I have ever seen. If I sat on one, she would get lost for who knows how long.

7. I get my first American visitor in one week. I am excited and nervous and even more excited. Not only will it be nice to see a familiar face, but it will be great to hug him. Living on my own and being around new friends, you really miss out on human contact. Besides shaking hand's, I could go a week or more without touching anyone. I know this sounds odd, but it is an odd feeling. Of all the things I thought I would miss, touch wasn't one of them.

8. My new apartment overlooks a track and field of an elementary school. Every morning at 9:30 the entire school goes outside, forms lines and conducts a choreographed dance to nationalist music. I plan on taping it for you all to see soon.

My friend said she saw the same phenomenon, however, the entire school was dancing/ doing their exercises to a Britney Spears song. I would have paid money to see that.

Bromo the Volcano

I've been back from Bali, Indonesia for a couple of weeks, yet couldn't seem to find the time to tell you all about it- until now. So my friends, I will spend my Friday night -not at the bars as usual- but in front of my computer regaling my tales of volcanoes, monkeys and rice paddies. Let's start with the first of those, shall we?



You are looking at what's called the "Sea of Sand" out the window of our 4x4 Toyota. This isn't the sand I was intending on plopping my butt on. There was no ocean nearby. Instead, I was convinced to go on a volcano hiking trip with my French friend Anais. She said it would only take 2 days out of our week long vacation. For some insane reason, I agreed to go with her. The above picture was taken after driving on and off road through mountains on the island called Java (yes, this is where you get coffee from.)



As we bumped along for hours, I could not help but hum the tune from Jurassic Park. There was fog, lush green rain forest and mountains. At any moment a volosoraptor could have jumped out and eaten us or the horse/dog we eventually had to ride on to get to the base of the volcano.





Yes, the jeep could only take us so far as it would have been swallowed up by the sea of sand had we gotten any closer to the volcano. Still a mile to go, Anais and I had to hop on horses to take us the rest of the way. Notice how my feet almost touch the ground even though I am sitting on the horse.



Despite the face that my horse was more like the size of a dog- it took 3 native men to hoist my butt up on the saddle. And by hoist, I mean put their hands on my butt and push. Unfortunately, that would not be the most humiliating moment with my horse-dog. I'll get to that later.



Once we got to the base of the volcano, we had to climb up what I've dumbed the "Staircase from Hell." As you can see from the picture, Anais is a good ways ahead of me. Good thing too, because that way she couldn't hear me cursing her name for dragging me in to this adventure.



Once at the top, I was able to look down in to a live volcano! There was no lava spurting out, just sulfurous smoke- hmm hmm that smelled good.



There aren't exactly the same safety standards in Java as there are let's say in the States- which is really cool. We could walk all around the edge of the volcano. If someone falls in- well you are just considered a sacrifice to the Gods.

Speaking of smelling good...

Bromo, as the volcano is called, is one of many in Java. According to a local folk tale, at the end of the 15th Century princess Roro Anteng from the Majapahit Empire started a separate principality together with her husband Joko Seger. They named it Tengger by the last syllables of their names. The principality did prosper, but the ruling couple failed to conceive children.

In their despair they climbed Mount Bromo to pray to the gods, who granted them help, but requested the last child to be sacrificed to the gods. They had 24 children, and when the 25th and last child Kesuma was born Roro Anteng refused to do the sacrifice as promised. The gods then threatened with fire and brimstone, until she finally did the sacrifice.

After the child was thrown into the crater, the voice of the child ordered the local people to perform an annual ceremony on the volcano, which is not held today. (Nationmaster.com)

Hence, the picture of me smiling. No throwing children in to the pit on this day!

The trip down the "Staircase from Hell" was not so bad. We hopped back on our trusty steeds, aka the horse-dog, and made the trek through the sand sea back to our jeep. I promised an embarrassing story so here it is (you were good and kept reading so you deserve a treat): The man guiding my horse motioned to me to take the reigns. He was then trying to get it to trot.

Despite the fact that my knees were up to my chest, even though my feet were in the stir-ups, I thought this would be fun. Off we go. This horse-dog, which looked close to death, could really move... a bit too fast for my taste. I pull back on the reigns to get it to slow down. Instead, my action makes it lift its head and go faster.

I can't grip the horse-dog with my legs and the saddle didn't have a handle, so basically I am flopping around from side to side holding nothing but the reigns. The horses' owner is running after us yelling something in some language I don't understand. I see the "Sea of Sand" and it occurs to me that I will soon be doing a face plant in it.

As I prepare myself for the inevitable, I see the owner just far enough away to reach the reigns. Just like a slow motion action movie- I throw the reigns in the air to him and get ready to fall off the horse.

He catches them. The horse-dog suddenly stops. Like a good physics lesson, I continue in motion. I see the sand- the sand sees me. I go over the top of the horse. In desperation I cling to it's head. Both our faces come inches within the sand. Then, miraculously, the horse-dog slowly lifts its head. I slip sideways and am clinging to its neck- I didn't fall off! The owner quickly hoists me, hands on my butt once again, upright on the saddle. He begins walking us slowly back to the jeep. He is almost certainly swearing in his native language about the dumb foreigner almost killing his horse-dog.

I hear laughter. Of course the other natives see me and my spectacular display of horsemanship. Of course seeing this would be funny to anyone. Hell, I am even nervously laughing because somehow I managed not to fall of the horse-dog in to the sea of sand. Anais, however, saw none of it- thank goodness.

I decide 2 things at that moment: I will now only ride horses that are the proper size and this "vacation" is going to be a blast.

Fireworks- In more ways than one

So, I am going to fast-foward from my trip to Bali and tell you what's been going on this week before I forget.

Monday was the end of China's Spring Festival. The holiday is similar to Christmas except it goes on for 2 weeks. To mark the last day, everyone in China lets off fireworks - and I mean everyone. They start at 8 a.m. and last until the big finale at midnight.

I am not talking about sparklers and Black Cats. These are industrial, show-stopping, non-stop explosives. There really is no point in my trying to even write and explain this phenomenon because words simply can't do it justice.

You have to see it for yourself. This is the video I shot outside my bathroom window. Take a look at what you missed by clicking here.

As you can see, people are letting off fireworks in-between parked and moving cars, feet away from apartment buildings, dry grass and trees, as well as people walking on the sidewalks. Unbelievable.

According to the The NY Times: "Gunpowder was invented in China and more than four-fifths of the world’s fireworks are produced here. Weddings, funerals and holidays are all commemorated with deafening booms, flashes of light and billowing clouds of black smoke. To many Chinese, celebrating the Lunar Festival without fireworks is akin to Americans celebrating Christmas without Christmas trees."

As I said in the video, it sounded and looked like I lived in a war zone.
It came as no surprise then when this happened:

(credit to: National Geographic)

(credit to: NY Times)

(credit to: BJ Review)

That's right. The damn Chinese burned down an entire skyscraper with their fireworks. I knew as soon as I saw the video late that night, that I would be in for a busy Tuesday at work.

CCTV is the government-owned and run TV network. Therefore, it was very embarrassing to have one of their brand new, architecturally progressive, incredibly expensive buildings go up in flames in the middle of downtown Beijing during the end of what is supposed to be the best time of year in China.

How would the government deal with this embarrassment? Because of where I work and what I do, I can't go in to details. I will, however, let you surmise your own opinion after reading the following articles.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article5709439.ece

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-beijing-fire11-2009feb11,0,6561766.story

Needless to say, it has been a very interesting week.

Stay tuned...

Is that a monkey on my shoulder? Better than a chip I suppose.
Anyways, yes it is a monkey- just one of the many cool things I did in Bali, Indonesia. Stay tuned for the full details which should be posted here in a few days...