Christmas Chaos

My first Christmas away from home and I survived. In fact, I have been so busy, I haven't had time to wallow in self loathing at all the snow, music, cookies, presents, decorations, family time and parties I missed out on.

For one thing. I spent my two days off at Christmas moving in to a new apartment. I was tired of the old man trying to break in. Sewage smells, my clock-work peeing neighbor and unheated water were also a bit trying.

My new place is great. It is a bit farther from work, 3 subway stops, but much more modern. Along with built in book shelves, kitchen space and heated water, my building also has security. I will post pictures soon.

Needless to say, I am much happier with the new apartment and surrounding area as it also closer to more restaurants and stores.

Between my 5 taxi trips back and forth from old place to new, I was able to squeeze in one holiday party. On Christmas eve I went over to my friend's pad where they hosted a pot-luck dinner.

They supplied a whole turkey, which had to be imported from an American restaurant, as well as what they call- Jungle Juice. A fruity drink which is deceptively strong. 2 glasses and you are lit.

Everyone else was supposed to bring food. I opted to make green bean casserole. This was an exceptionally difficult thing to do. For one, I had to go to a Western grocery story to get the ingredients. It required a cab ride as there isn't one in my part of the city.

Chinese supermarkets don't have canned or creamed soup. Creamy things aren't really in the diets of people here. They also do not have canned vegetables. Produce is fresh and most people buy it daily to cook with.

Imported food, like cream of mushroom soup and canned green beans also cost a bit more. I was also unable to find French's canned onions. I substitued Ritz crackers in the recipe instead.

The other reason my casserole was so hard to make is that there are no ovens here. Chinese don't cook with ovens, they use stoves. Baking is a foreign concept. Most people don't even have microwaves.

My foreign friends bought a small toaster oven, so I had to cook the casserole in there. As more and more people arrived for the party, I realized this was not going to be what I would consider a "traditional" Christmas meal.

Here's what others brought for the spread: sushi, fried burritos, some type of meat sticks, fried rice, stir fried vegetables, cold salted cucumbers, french bread and brie, a German noodle casserole (which was awesome), mini carmel apple kebobs, a birthday cake and mozarella sticks.

I was fine with all the different food types. I was not fine with what happened to my casserole. The second I set it on the table, all the Chinese guests got out their cameras and ran to it. They took pictures scooping it out, put their faces next to it, held it up. They even took pictures while they ate it.

For some reason this really annoyed me. I understand they had probably never seen or tasted anything like it but DON'T MANHANDLE MY CASSEROLE! grrr

The dirty Santa exchange was just as unique as the meal. Gifts ranged from tea, alligator mittens, sausage, porn movies (they took the "dirty" part of the game literally), a piggy bank, another birthday cake, remote control car to an illicit painting. To be honest, I am still in a bit of shock after the whole ordeal.

Talk about one Christmas party I will never forget. Still, I can't say it will ever take the place or seem as exciting as being with all of you back home...

Best Real Estate Photos EVER!

So, I am on the hunt for a new apartment. The little old man that broke in and caught me sleeping in my panties- is back. He tried to get in again. Supposedly, he didn't come for another look- he genuinely believes he has a brief case full of his stuff inside my place. Luckily I had had the locks changed.

The first time was just funny. Now, I am annoyed and slightly scared. Since I don't speak or read Chinese, my options are limited. I have been exchanging emails with apartment owners but Chinglish is hard to understand.

They also have different, how shall I put it, advertising standards. I requested photos of an apartment and this is what I got....

I am not sure if the place comes with the little old lady or the exercising girl, but I am not taking my chances. One bothersome old man was enough.

Literally, these were the only 2 pictures the landlord emailed me. Really? Really!

Anyways, I believe I have found a new place and should be moving in to it on Christmas Eve. I will post pictures once I am settled. Can't believe I have to re-orientate myself again. Oh well, should be fun- key word is: should.

Random thoughts

Besides the odd photo, I haven't been able to give you a true update on life lately. It's just been plain busy. You're not going to get one now, either. Sorry for the tease.

Instead, here are some random thoughts to tide over the hungry masses. I will get around to a full scale posting eventually, so stay tuned...

1. Cold weather makes Chinese people barf. In the past two weeks, I have seen 3 people puking on the street (one was actually in a bush, but still it was outside). This phenomena started as soon as the weather got cold. I asked some friends about this and they too have noticed the unusually high number of people spewing chunks.

Here are the theories: People are drinking more to stay warm and thus hurling. The cold weather is genetically incompatible with the Chinese digestive system. There has been no rain to wash away chunks on the sidewalk making it seem as if there is more vomit.

You decide.

2. For a country that doesn't believe in or know very much about Christianity, there sure are a lot of Christmas decorations. I was quite shocked actually when the malls started to put up lights, ornaments and even life-sized Santas. In fact, I can even buy a Christmas tree at the Wu-Mart! Who knew?

After consulting with co-workers, I discovered people here love the holidays. They don't understand the whole religious part of it but in terms of consumerism- this is the IT time.

Presents won't be handed out here on Christmas day. Instead, the Chinese celebrate what's called Spring Festival. It is when everyone goes home to visit their families. Presents and money are exchanged then. Businesses shut down, transportation infrastructure gets overloaded. Very much the same as in America expect Spring Festival is the third week in January. Don't ask me why it is called the "Spring" festival.

3. I have inspired a fashion trend at my office. ME. HA this makes me laugh. One day I came in wearing a hat. I wore it because I didn't shower before work and looked like a grease ball.

Everyone kept telling me how cute it was. In fact, if I don't wear the hat at least once a weak, people ask me where it is.

Today, it went to a whole new level. There were 2 girls in the office wearing similar hats. I pointed to theirs and gave the thumbs up, which sent them in to giggles. Only in China could I be considered fashion forward!

4. One thing you can't accuse me of being, no matter where in the world I am, is classy. I was with a friend having lunch. Afterwards, we were walking around when I blurt out, "You can never just fart in China because you don't know if there will be more with it." She gave me a look which said, "you should probably just think those thoughts not actually say them."

However, she did agree with me that it was a true statement...

5. Computer keyboards are in English. I don't know how they do it, but you punch in a series of English letters and on the screen words pop up in Chinese characters. Very impressive.

6. The couple who lives above me are like walking alarm clocks. At 3 a.m. every morning, the old man gets up and takes a piss. The ferocity of the pee hitting the water, tells me it is a man doing this. His shuffle back to bed, tells me his age.

7. The heat is now on in my apartment. The government sets a day to turn on the heat in Beijing. I am not sure if there is one switch and a ceremony or if every building owner gets the go ahead to jack the thermostat.

From what I've been told, the date is always the same, no matter how cold or hot it is.

8. Sign language is universal. At least my made up version is. By using hand signals, I have successfully gotten a restaurant to give me take-out food, chosen a drink from the cafeteria and even navigated a taxi driver. All those years of Comedy Sports are finally paying off.

Advertising FAIL

I was walking past this mall on my way to work when I noticed something odd.

The columns are frequently plastered with advertisements, but this week something went very wrong (or very right, if you think it is freaking hilarious like me).

The workers simply cut out a square in the poster for the surveillance camera. I would file this under the FAIL category.



This one is for you Devon...

Every day is Black Friday

I don't know what is going on over there in the U.S..

I understand everyone is broke and looking for shopping bargains, but trampling someone to death? Wow. That was one dangerous Black Friday.

And I thought shopping in China was crazy... (you have to see this video, so click on the link.)


This is a market in Chengdu. I would describe it as a warehouse with rows and rows of closet-sized stores and stalls. To buy something, you have to bargain. The vendor makes one offer and you have to try and haggle for a lower price. You don't have to know Chinese to do this. They just type a number on the calculator, then you type in a number. This goes back and forth until an agreement is reached.

In some cases, you end up walking away shaking your head. Either the seller will let you go or will magically come up with a lower price. At that point you have to buy the item or risk insulting him/her.

I wouldn't recommend that. They will yell something in Chinese down the aisle. I assume they are telling other vendors that you are a bad shopper. Expect bad deals after that.

As you can see from this picture, vendors cram as much merchandise in their space as possible. There's just enough room for one person to "shop," however, the Chinese always seem to ignore that personal space rule.

My motto: Go in with a specific goal. You don't want to waste time and energy digging for something you might want.

Outside, this is how clothing from nearby factories is delivered. These huge bundles are piled up everywhere.
You can't see them, but there are workers sitting on top of these goods. I'm sure they were taking a much needed break. I wished I could have gone up there and joined them.