WTF Wednesday- You drank what?!

This WTF Wednesday is brought to you by OTC, over- the- counter pharmaceuticals. It's a brand you get in China but have no idea how to use. Just ask my friend *Bill*. His name has been changed to protect his real identity, or should I say my own butt. It would promptly be kicked if he knew I was sharing this tale of awesomeness.

So *Bill* is backed up. It's been a few days and there is no motion in the ocean of his bowels. Feeling full, shall we say, he makes his way to a Chinese pharmacy. In perfect Mandarin, which he speaks, *Bill* explains his issue.

The woman behind the counter quickly understands. She nods in sympathy and directs him to the digestive medicines. She pulls out a bottle of liquid and hands it to *Bill* assuring him this will take care of his constipation.

This is not a picture of the actual medicine, but the bottles are similar. There's no English, just Chinese characters.

*Bill* goes home, drinks the liquid and waits. He waits some more. 4 hours later, Bill is frustrated and still clogged. He makes his way back to the pharmacy. He explains to the woman that he drank the medicine and nothing is happening. She says, "What?! You drank it? That is an enema!"

Embarrassed and now concerned for his health. *Bill* asks if his unwitting action will cause him harm. The woman is too busy laughing to respond. She then yells out to the entire store in Chinese, "Hey, this foreigner just drank an enema. HAA HA HAA" If that wasn't bad enough, she also proceeds to tell incoming customers.

At this point *Bill* has had enough and leaves in shame. And no, he was not sickened by the enema. It also did not help relieve his poo poo problem- just in case you were wondering. Apparently, it only works if it goes up the other way.

Chasing my Qi

So, it all comes full circle.

I went to the hospital for pain, discover I have 2 tumors. Surgery removes them, pain continues. Did multiple tests to figure out what was causing pain- get multiple diagnoses. Try cures, medicine doesn't work. I was tired of it. Tired and frustrated. Finally, I decide to fight my mysterious Chinese illness with mysterious Chinese medicine. When in Rome- right? Well, when in China- go to an acupuncture specialist.

I met this TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) doctor through a good Chinese friend of mine. Her mother is renowned for her work in Beijing. She is someone who teaches others the art of acupuncture. The only way to get an appointment is if you personally know her. Thank goodness she let her daughter's foreign friend in for a consultation.

She saw me in her home, which is where she practices. I sat down on a wooden chair while Angella (friend) interpreted her questions and my answers. I told her about the constant pain in my abdomen. She asked to see my tongue, then she examined my ears. She also wanted to take a look at my palm because apparently the lines on your hand change. They can indicate health or even mental stress in your life. She told me, if you take a picture of your palms today, the lines won't be the same in a year because you will be going through something different. I thought that was incredibly interesting.

I was then led into the bedroom where I laid down and lifted up my shirt. She gently put her hand on my belly and said, "Tong?", which means pain in Chinese. I was floored. She didn't have to feel around and painfully press all over like the surgeon, gynecologist and internal medicine specialist did. She knew exactly where to put her hands and could feel what she called knots.

Next came the needles. She told me I would feel a prick but should not feel pain. She was right. I can't say acupuncture is a comfortable experience when the doctor puts the needles in. You do feel small jabs, but it isn't like getting a shot. On my first round of treatment I had more than 50 needles sticking out of my belly.

The sensation was incredible. Had I not experienced this myself, I wouldn't believe it. As soon as she put the needs on the left side of my belly, I could feel my body opening up. The pain instantly went away from that area. It is hard to describe, but it was this numbing, soothing release. The right side of my abdomen was more of a challenge. She would put a needle in and the pain would move. I could literally feel it go to a different part of my body. It had also changed shape from a band of pain, to a small ball. Sounds crazy, but this is the best way I can explain what I experienced.

The more needles went in, the more the pain moved. At one point it even shifted to my back. The TCM doctor put a needle in my side and the pain came back to my belly. I had to laugh. I would tell her where it was and you could see that this woman understood all my poor descriptions of what I was experiencing. Then she said something I will never forget: "I am chasing your Qi." What?! She asked me if I felt completely comfortable with my life in China. I said no. There has always been this unease here. I worry about the germs, pollution, getting lost, surviving, contributing at work, loved ones back home, etc., etc.. I have never truly felt like this was my home.

She says I have been storing up all that stress in my body. It decided to sit in my abdomen. Over time it built up to the point it was causing me physical pain. My western brain is highly skeptical of this theory. There must be a reason that can be explained medically. Perhaps I had a bacterial infection, slight hernia, another tumor? All those tests done at the hospital showed none of these things. Their medicines didn't work. This woman sticks needles in me and I instantly feel some relief. I know who I believe- logical or not. There are just somethings you can't explain but just trust, and this is one of them.

I lay with the needles in my belly for about an hour. The ball of pain never went away during that session but it did get smaller. The doctor told me my treatment wouldn't be like popping a balloon. She said it will take time and prescribed another 10 visits to see her. I have to say, I have enjoyed every one. Sometimes she focuses on my belly button, other times I have had needles on my legs. The point is to open up and redirect circulation. I can feel that happening the instant she puts a needle in. One morning I even had a headache when I went to visit her. A needle near my breastbone got rid of it- simple as that. At another session, I talked about my low energy. She says I will give you a treatment to make you feel lighter. Sure enough, I left that room feeling like I could walk on air.

I am not done with my course of acupuncture yet. You can't do it when you menstruate. You also have to take care of your health by getting plenty of sleep. All this I am learning. I am also learning that this ancient medicine is worth giving some credence to. I can't explain why it works, I don't understand how it works, but I do know that it does work for me. It also looks freaking cool.

No Cancer!

As most of you know already, the biopsy on my masses came back clean. No cancer! Woot woot!! What a relief.

I have since been working on health issue # 2: pain in my abdomen. To sum up a long, ridiculous couple of days at the doctor- I was given a bunch of medicine to wipe out a cause that no one can seem to identify. So far, it seems to be working.

My first day back at work, I turned in a report with 39 issues that need to be improved with our show called China Report. My boss summed it up best by saying, "I guess Gretchen really is feeling better." Hilarious.

I have been trying to focus really hard on work this week as Friday I go on a vacation that has been planned for months. Me and my love, Devon, are going on a whirlwind tour of Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. Will be gone May 28th-June 20th... so no blog updates for you. Sorry.

We will be taking planes, trains, boats, buses and bikes. I can hardly wait. We figure out this will be the most time we have ever spent together. Let's hope we don't kill each other!

(How cute is he?! Honestly, I adore this boy.)

I promise to post details and pictures when I come back. I honestly thought I would get a lot of the blog updated when I was home recovering after surgery, but the truth is I was out of it mentally. Oh well, its my blog, I set my own deadlines. Muah ha ha!

Hysterectomy?! NO NO NO

I am safe and sound at home after one hell of an experience. Truth is, I have been home for a few days, but wasn't feeling up to too much computer time. That changes today as the spark that ignites my red-hot wit reignites! HA

So this is the infamous hospital where my surgery took place Thursday- Xie He Yuan or Peking Union Medical College Hospital. I did my research, and despite appearances, this is one of the best hospitals in China. Apparently, people from all over the country come here and wait in endlessly long lines to be seen by a doctor.

As of the 2008 Beijing Olympics, it has a section specifically for foreigners. I had to go in Wednesday to check in and stay overnight before the surgery on Thursday. Accompanying me were these two lovely ladies- Mama Greene and Angella. Mama Greene was supposed to fly home a few days ago, but changed her flight to be able to be with me. She earns a rock star award for this one! Angella, is a friend's girlfriend. Her English is amazing and so is her kindness. She was essential to eliminating a lot of the confusion.

She couldn't quite tell us what this was about, however. As we are checking in, a van pulls up to the front door and two uniformed men with big guns jump out. We think it was some ambassador or something. Very odd. A man then walks in to the hospital accompanied by his guards. Hmm. Turns out, this would be the first in a series of strange things to happen that day.

As is typical in China, we had to go to about 4 different windows to register. I just love the fact that nurses here still look like old school nurses. They are full on with the hats and buns in their hair, all white uniforms and stethoscopes around their necks. Super cute.

No one could actually tell us why we had to be at the hospital at 2 PM the day before the surgery, but we checked in to our room and were pleasantly surprised. It was cleaner than I expected, quiet and we had the place to ourselves. I opted to go with surgery in the foreigner's part of the hospital after talking with my doctor. She says the staff is more highly qualified, facilities better, it has more advanced technology and different medicines. Of course my work won't pay for this level of health care. They told me it is only for high-level ministers and "important people".

Because I didn't want to recover from surgery on the floor in the Chinese side of the hospital's hallway, and feel I deserve highly trained medical personnel- I opted to go with costs out of my pocket. Once I feel 100%, work can expect a full-on battle over reimbursement. That's another story for another day.

Once in our room, a series of, how should I say this- troubling- events kept unfolding. Firstly, a nurse came into the room and said, "So Gretchen, you are here for a hysterectomy." WHAT?! HELL NO. My surgery is called a hysteroscopy. The doc is just supposed to remove the tumor, not my entire reproductive system. I don't care if that was a slip of the tongue because of the language barrier- we had to get that little snafu cleared up ASAP. Mama Greene suggested marking my body with a pen to say, "Don't cut here!"

Then there was the issue with my blood. They took it, messed it up and then had to re-take some. Before getting some sleep, I had to endure a dry shave of my lady parts. Can you say itchy? The girl who was doing it kept trying to carry on conversation with me. When you have a razor down there, especially one that you can neither see nor control, you feel like the person should be concentrating- not chit chatting. Plus, she kept saying "Vah- geen- ah" like it was going out of style, which in turn made me giggle and at a time like that, staying still is key.

The next day, we are awoken by a herd of doctors and nurses. Turns out the hospital couldn't figure out my blood type. They needed someone here stat to take my blood to another facility to have it tested. I called a work colleague who jumped out of bed and raced to the hospital. She shoved two vials of my blood in her purse and was set to be off until Mama Greene scoffed and said she should at least be given a baggie. We thought surgery would have to be postponed til they figured out my blood type. 6 long minutes later, the doc said they

would proceed as the chances that I would need a transfusion were very slim.

A few hours later, the mystery was solved. Turns out I am a mutant. I have type A blood but am RH negative (still not sure what this means). It is very rare, especially in Asia as most everyone is RH positive. Good thing we figured this out before I ever needed blood- sheesh.

As I was 4th in line for surgery that day, we ended up waiting til about 2 PM before the nurses came to get me. I was then told to get naked right there in the room and crawl under the covers. Apparently gowns are a luxury no matter what part of the hospital you are in. I was then wrapped up like a burrito and rolled out of the room. After a trip in the elevator, most of which I couldn't see because I was sans glasses and contacts, I was placed in a holding tank.

15 minutes in a room with another burrito-like patient was not a good thing. Time to think was what I had been trying to avoid. I was scared. Everyone was speaking Chinese so I had no idea what was going on. I just had to trust that I would get a hysteroscopy rather than a hysterectomy. I had to trust that I would get the right blood if I needed it. I had to trust that the surgeon knew what she was doing. I had to trust that I would wake up.

That last one is a toughie. Laying on the table being hooked up to things I can't see, people speaking words I can't understand- it was a blur. I just remember looking up at the lights and trying to decide what I wanted my last thoughts to be in this world in case something went wrong. I hope to never think like that again.

Anyways, I woke up about an hour later. I was rolled back into my room and was pretty disorientated. So was Mama Greene. She thought I would be awoken in another room and then brought back to see her. Instead, her and Angella had to be my post-surgery nurses.

Part of the problem was the huge amount of pain I was in. I thought something had to really be wrong for me to feel this way. The only other surgery I've had was an appendectomy. I woke in discomfort but not outright pain. I just couldn't understand why it hurt so bad. Turns out Chinese hospitals don't believe in pain medicine. They feel it is bad for recovery and want you to just work through it. Just work through it?! (Insert slew of swear words here.) Who has surgery without pain medicine?!? I am still furious about this. At least someone could have told me this little philosophy ahead of time. That little cultural difference bit me in the ass.

I lay there for what ended up being 2 hours crying and trying to focus on my breathing. Mama Greene and Angella were there to hold my hand and rub my back. It got so bad, Mama Greene told me later she almost passed out. After begging, the doc finally did give me some pain medication. However, I kept saying its not working. Why? It was Ibuprofen. No codeine for me people- the doc said that is too extreme. So is me punching her in the face- but I couldn't do that either.

Eventually, the pain subsided. I sucked it up, got dressed and felt well enough to go home. The doc gave me recovery instructions which include 2 weeks of bed rest. She wasn't going to send me home with any pain meds, but we convinced her to write a prescription, much to her chagrin. Good thing is, I haven't needed them. While I feel tired and sometimes a bit crampy, the pain is nothing I can't handle.

She also told me the surgeon found 2 masses in my uterus instead of just one. They are being sent for a biopsy, the results of which should be in on the 21st of May. She did say they looked like polyps which is a good thing as they are benign growths.

So while I wait for the results, I get to hang out at home. Thankfully, my wonderful friends and co-workers have been generous enough to pay me multiple visits. The support fills my heart and overwhelms my brain. I am very lucky to have gone through this in a foreign country while being surrounded by such good people (mmm homemade potato soup- thanks Scotty!). I am even luckier to have had a surrogate Mom with me the entire time. I am forever grateful, as is my family.

I'll keep you all posted more now that I am feeling a bit better. Hopefully, I can be done with these crappy blogs about my health aka Vah-geen-ah issues, and move on to the good stuff....

Love,

G

PS- I decided not to slip the doc a little red envelope. Perhaps the reason I didn't get the pain meds was because I didn't bribe her! HA

It's Here

It's here- surgery day.

Have to say, I am scared. Surgery in China was not on my to-do list while over here. A lot of 'what-ifs' keep running though my mind. But as my dearest Devon reminds me- don't waste your energy on things that aren't, deal with what you know and what you can.

One of the things I have to consider is bribery. You read that right- should I bribe my doctor or not?

A few days ago while talking to a good Chinese friend, I learned it is common practice here to slip your doctor a little red envelope full of cash before any procedure be it surgery, birth, etc. He says it ensures good service. Other colleagues confirm the practice, saying you should always bribe your doctor just to be on the safe side. Common amount is 500RMB or about 73 USD.

I am appalled. Does this mean those without money get sub-par healthcare? Will the doctor purposely make a mistake if you don't give them cash? Does this "custom" apply to foreigners? What if I try to bribe my doctor and end up offending her? What if I don't slip her money?

After thinking about this for awhile, I am going to take my chances, place my bets with the good in humanity and not go to the hospital with a little red envelope. I am not going to compromise my ethics on top of every other horrifying aspect of this experience.

It's not all bad. Andrea Liberatore's (Greene) Mom is here from the U.S.. Below is a pic of us playing dress-up as Chinese wives in a park near my apartment. Talk about a riot!

She came for a visit two weeks ago and has decided to extend her trip by a few days to be here with me for the surgery. It is an expensive decision for her, but she didn't hesitate in making it and instead believes the timing is too coincidental to pass up. She will be my surrogate Mom and take care of me at the hospital and at home. I am forever grateful to have such wonderful people in my life. I certainly know who her daughter takes after!

The hospital wants me to check in Wednesday afternoon. They will run some tests, then I will stay overnight (talk about a nightmare!). Surgery will be Thursday. If all goes well, I can home that same afternoon.

I won't have access to a phone of computer while there, so you will just have to check the blog for any major updates in a few days.

I love you all. I will talk to you soon-

Gretchen

Surgery Scheduled

After tracking down a series of doctors, I now finally know my surgery date.

I go in to the hospital Wednesday, May 5th for pre-op. The surgery will be Thursday. No cutting should be involved. They can go up and remove the mass with a scope. I will, however, be knocked out with anesthesia.

If you don't have a weak stomach, you can watch a similar procedure on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNrcmtOkD38

If all goes well, I will be released that afternoon (fingers crossed). Doc says recovery should be between 1-2 weeks. I have already loaded up on DVDs and a dear friend (Andrea) sent me trashy mags from the States for my birthday, so I will be saving those. Also, you can probably expect a few Skype calls :) and many updated blog posts as I am behind on telling you about a few recent trips.

Test results on the mass will take ten days. Chances are very slim it is anything serious. Either way, I will keep you all posted.

Thanks for the love, support and many birthday wishes. You certainly know how to make a girl feel good.

XOXOX

Gretchen

Waiting

Just a quick update-

Talked to the Dr. on the phone today. She is going to try and schedule surgery for next week. I have to go in to her office hours on Friday to sort some things out. It is China so this could all change in the next few hours, but this is what I know for now.

I am also trying to convince work to pay for what the surgery would cost if I did it in the Chinese section of the hospital. It will require an official stamped paper from the hospital and the doctor's signature, so cross your fingers that I can get through all the hoops and red tape.

Once I saw patients laying on the floors in the hallway and had to ask someone to wear gloves before taking my blood- I decided the extra money is worth it, even if it is just for some peace of mind.

Again, thanks for all the support. It means a lot to me.

-Gretchen