The Wal Mart Experience

It has been a life saver. It has been an adventure. It has been a study in cultural differences. It has been a pain in my ass. IT- is Wal Mart or what Beijingers commonly call Wu Mart.

My second night in Beijing, I made my way to this store to buy sheets and a pillow. It was late and I had just enough time and energy to pick up what I needed to make it through the night. How hard could it be to find what I needed? Beyond hard.

Survival instincts kicked in as my senses were bombarded, overwhelmed, engulfed the second I walked in the doors.

People were everywhere. Imagine the morning after Thanksgiving x 12 then throw in cocain. Salespeople and customers were all trying to get different places at once, talking over each other, grabbing things. They only time they stopped was to briefly stare at me.

The masses weren't the only shock to my system. I look left - there is unidentifiable hanging meat. I look right- fruit that could poke my eye out.

Straight ahead are vats of rice big enough to bury three small children. Don't back up, there's a fan of fish cooling on ice.

If I wanted to, I could pick out an octopus like this lady. Or hey, there's some crabs all tied up waiting to be boiled (they did not look like Sebastian from The Little Mermaid- if you were wondering). If that's not fresh enough, I could just go to the fish tanks and pick out a live one, although I am not sure what happens next. Do they kill them in them there or bring the fishes home alive?

Obviously, I was in the wrong part of the store to find bedding. I had to go up to another level (yes, this Wal Mart is so big it takes up multiple stories) which meant getting on an escalator without stairs. Not knowing how this thing worked, I watched and learned. You push your cart up until the wheels magnetically stick to the conveyor belt. Then you just enjoy the ride.

Ah ha! I spot a familiar brand at the top of the escalator: Lay's potato chips- yeah! I dodge and weave like a freshman football player (awkward and untrained) until I reach the display. What do I find? Flavors I never would have dreamed up . Blueberry or Italian red meat chips anyone?

I pass on the chips (although its too funny not to taste them at least once in the future) and eventually find what I came for. Now all I need to do to escape this bonanza of crazy is pay.

WTF? There isn't a belt to set your purchases on, you just hand them to the cashier one at a time. That is hard to do as you are jammed in between check out counters that are no farther apart than 3 feet. My pictures just don't do this justice. Whoever planned out this store, seriously lacked common sense.

For all the craziness, I have to admit, I would be in serious trouble without this Wal Mart. It is within walking distance of my apartment which is great when you have to buy gallons of water at a time.

It also provides me with constant humor. I mean, an experience in this store could be an SNL skit. (Watch out Tina Fey, here I come!) One day, I was hit in the butt with 5 different carts.

Chinese are so occupied with their shopping and seriously lack a sense of personal space. Throw in a foreigner and I end up with a bruised buttocks. Well, it would be bruised if it wasn't so well padded. HA -knew the junk in my trunk would come in handy one day. Rant over.

Anyways, I now place Wal Mart on my must-see list for anyone traveling to Beijing. Not quite the Great Wall but it is a great shopping experience.